How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
