**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
