I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
