Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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