On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
