So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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