i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
