I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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