Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
