You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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