This girl is more easily done than said...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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