I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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