Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
