never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Let the clothes fall where they may.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
