i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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