My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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