Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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