remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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