dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm so fucking centered right now
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
