fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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