Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
