how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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