Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
