so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
