Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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