so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
