tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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