I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
