the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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