Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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