all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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