i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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