My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
