he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
