dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
