plz talk dirty to me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
