so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
There are leaves in my underwear?
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