Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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