I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
