38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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