His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
