You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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