You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
