You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
