Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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