I think i sorta joined a cult last night
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
