i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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