Plan B is the new Plan A
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
