she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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