Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
