I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
