If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
