Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
