you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
