The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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