Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
