then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
